Subject: Fathers -Riding the wave
From: "Fatherhood Foundation" <[email-masked]>
To: "Warwick Marsh" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 8 Mar 2003 10:41:03 +1000

Issue No. 25-17th Feb, 2003

visit us at www.fathersonline.org

Welcome to fathersonline.org

Dads with Young Children

Grandads

Laughter

Single Dads

Special Feature

Thoughts for the Week

News & Info

Dad's Prayer

Mission Statement & Help Us

Welcome to fathersonline.org

Working towards advancing the cause of fathering sure has its challenges and rewards.  When we first launched the weekly fathersonline.org email for dads on Father’s Day 2002, we had three TV adverts going on national TV to encourage Australian dads.  The adverts showed children talking about dads and how dads were important.  We had many letters of congratulations and many letters of complaint.  The complaints were mainly from single mothers who had been through difficult times with irresponsible fathers.  I wrote back to them, apologising for the behaviour of irresponsible men and assuring them of our goal of not being part of the problem, but of helping fathers be better fathers.

Somehow one of these letters of apology got into the hands of a very strong men’s rights group. Suddenly I was being castigated publicly on email lists across the nation for letting the men’s movement down with my letter of apology to these women who had been offended by our adverts.  I would prefer to err on the side of apology than err on the side of arrogance.  Humility is the key to successful leadership in the home.  Meekness is not a weakness . . . pride is.  We should never be afraid to be strong about what we believe, but there is a saying from an old book that says, ‘always speaking the truth in love.’

This week I have some good news.  The Fathering Forum was marked by openness and humility amongst the guys and gals (yes, there were a few ladies present).  Last Monday’s Fathering Forum at Parliament House could have descended into a slinging match very easily.  There were some very divergent groups present. Many of the 27 delegates were very passionate for the cause of men, fathers and families.  Many of the men humbly admitted that they had hurts and insecurities. Don Bowak, the head of NSW Men’s Health and Wellbeing spoke about men’s egos and the way forward.  His manner and speech were very heart-warming.  Several times I was moved to tears, especially by the stories of separated fathers.  Many desperately wanted the privilege of being a father to their children given back to them.

This same spirit of humility also marked the speeches of many of the 15 parliamentarians who attended the Open Session of the Fathering Forum between 5 pm and 6 pm in one of the large committee rooms.  All the parliamentarians asked for our collective recommendations for the problems of fatherlessness.  All spoke with a distinct lack of political rhetoric, and many shared their own inadequacies as fathers.  I was again deeply moved.  It was certainly a wonderful beginning to our public advocacy for Australian fathers in Federal Parliament.  I pray that this humility continues as we move forward together to see positive reform for Aussie dads.  We are all part of the problem whether we like it or not.  We are also all part of the answer.  That’s the good news.

Lovework

This week, tell you wife and children some of your areas of weakness.  In the Bible it says, ‘confess your faults one to another’.  There is tremendous power in admitting you were wrong.  The only thing that comes before a fall is pride.  We men are full of it.  The best way to rid yourself of your pride is admit your mistakes publicly.  You will gain respect, not lose it.  The more honest you are, the more your family will trust you.  The more they trust you the better you will lead them.  What are you waiting for - start talking.

Yours for honest dads

Warwick Marsh
Fatherhood Foundation

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Dads with Young Children

10 Ways to Be a Better Dad

1. Love Your Children's Mother

Absolutely the best thing you can do...A husband and wife who let their kids know they’re in love provide a secure environment for their children.' If Dad and Mom accept each other, then they must accept me, too' is the hidden message...and that’s a powerful declaration of security for any child. The best family education? Having parents who love and cherish each other.

2. Spend Time With Your Children

How you spend your time reflects what’s important to you. It’s a simple truth  kids know long before Dads do. No matter what you might say to make up for lost time, if your children feel you are not as concerned about them as you are with work, or some other interest, they’ll perceive that they’re not valuable. To kids, perception IS reality. Which is why there’s no greater love a father can give than giving of himself for his children.

3. Earn The Right To Be Heard

Want your child’s first thought when they’re facing adversity to be ' I wonder if Dad’s available?' Then build the road that will lead them home now. That means taking an interest in their views and their issues. It means being honest, and vulnerable. It also means talking about anything...and often. Children want to be led, but the successful father earns the right to lead.

4. Discipline With A Gentle Spirit

True discipline is a function of a father’s love for his children, which is why it should never be hard-nosed or harsh. Discipline’s role is not to intimidate or tear down but to mold and to correct. So, discipline with a teacher’s heart and your children will learn just how much you love them.

5. Be A Role Model

Fathers are role models to their children.  A father can best teach his children the values of self-restraint and hard work.  A father can also champion the virtues of honesty and humility by admitting when he is wrong.  Modeling-being a living example-is worth more to your children than anything you could ever tell them.

6. Teach The Lessons Of Life

For far too many fathers, teaching is something somebody else does. However, the responsibility for teaching children rests primarily with parents. A father who teaches his children right from wrong imparts his faith in God to his kids and encourages them to strive for excellence. He’ll be rewarded as his children grow up to make good choices. A father should always be alert for everyday examples in which to teach his kids the lessons of life.

7. Eat Together As A Family

Most children today don’t know the meaning of a family dinner time. Yet the communication and unity built during this time is integral to a healthy family life. Sharing a meal together – breakfast, lunch or dinner – provides structure to an often hectic schedule. It also gives kids the opportunity to talk about their lives. This is a time for fathers to listen, as well as give advice and encouragement. But most importantly, it is a time to be together on a daily basis.

8. Read To Your Children

In a world wired for sound, it’s important that fathers make the effort to read to their children.  Childhood is a time for learning – first by seeing, then by hearing and reading. When a father reads to his children, he draws out their creativity and helps inspire their dreams. Reading to your children also encourages literacy, a crucial step in a lifelong process of self-improvement. A father’s desire to see his children soar above the clouds unfolds the moment he opens a book and begins to read.

9. Show Affection

Children long for a secure place in this fast-paced world. They find it most often in the warm embrace of a parent. As children grow, so does their need for acceptance and sense of belonging. Such a need is met when a father offers a hug, or a kind word, and expresses his appreciation and love for his children. But showing affection doesn’t stop there. Letting your children know that you love them requires a daily effort.

10. Realize A Father's Job Is Never Done

Some day every father must let go of the youthful activities that bond him with his children. But a good father realizes that as he allows his children their freedom to direct their own lives, he doesn’t abandon them at a dorm room, a wedding altar, or the door of their first job. His encouragement and discernment will leave a legacy to his children, and their children after that.

©2001 Family First.  All rights reserved.

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This article is reprinted from the All Pro Dad. A very extensive web support group for Fatherhood. Excellent resource material is available on http://www.allprodad.com

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Grandads

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.

Harols S. Hulbert

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Laughter

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
'Yes,' he said. 'I do. My father taught me.'
'Good. What comes after three.'
'Four,' answers the boy.

'What comes after six?'
'Seven.'
'Very good,' says the teacher. 'Your dad did a good job. What comes
after ten?'

'A jack,' says the kid.

**

Q: What's the best thing about your child turning 3 years of age?
A: Daddy now has someone who has more in common with him.

**

Q: What is a dad's idea of helping mum with the housework?
A: Lifting up his legs so she can vacuum underneath them.

**

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2. There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

4. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

5. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere - and let the air out of their tyres.

6. Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

7. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

8. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

9. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

10. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

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Single Dads

Am I still a Father?

by Roland foster

One of the reasons my life has been so good is that I have had a good father.  I also want to be a good father to my own children.  However the freedom to make this choice no longer exists for separated fathers in Australian society.

Family Law legislation in Australia has removed from me my authority as a father and placed it in the hands of anonymous government bureaucrats who know nothing about me or my children.  This perverse practise is called Child Support and is claimed to be in the best interests of my children.  It is in the best interests of nobody, except for those in the family law industry who profit from the billions of dollars that are being removed from the assets of Australian families each year.

The effect of Family Law legislation is that the role and influence of fathers is slowly being eroded.  One outcome of this social engineering is that 400,000 Australian children never see their father.

Another outcome is highlighted in a recent report from the Australian Institute of Family Studies.  This report, based on Australian Bureau of Statistics data, reveals that one in three children who still have contact with their non-custodial father never sleep over.  These 200,000 children spend the day with their father, but not the night.

The reasons suggested by the Australian Institute of Family Studies for the daytime dad practise are based on prejudice rather than research and perpetuates the myth of the deadbeat or incompetent dad.  They omit the most obvious reason: Child Support Agency formulae are based on the number of nights the children stay with each parent.  The effect of this is that huge financial inducements are offered to the custodial mother to block overnight access by the father.  The custodial parents control over the children and the removal of children from their fathers is underpinned by the bias, prejudices and culture of Family Court judges.  The Family Assistance Office also throws its influence into the equation.  The benefits it provides are determined by the time the children spend with each parent. A few hours spent with dad during the day keeps mothers well within the threshold beyond which they begin to lose a substantial amount of Family Assistance benefits.

The Family Law system in Australia burdens and abuses children by making them a financial resource.  Keeping children away from their fathers is the only strategy that custodial mothers have to guarantee a steady and constant stream of unearnt and tax free income provided by the Child Support Agency, Family Assistance Office and Centrelink.  It also guarantees favoured treatment by Family Court judges and substantial additional benefits from property settlements.

The report on daytime dads from the Australian Institute of Family Studies reveals that the Family Law system has failed to act in the best interests of children.  It has substituted government activity for the traditional role of the father.  It has become a defacto parent.  It is successfully working towards the defathering of Australian society.

_____________________________________________________________

Roland Foster is an non-custodial father, separated since 1997, with 5 young children aged between 6 and 14 years.  Roland is a passionate father and an active social reformer who believes Australia's current laws are contributing to the creation of our fatherless society.

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Special Feature

The Honourable ParliaMENtarians

During the main meeting held on Monday night in Parliament House the number of Honourable members reached 15. This is a major feat as the Senate estimates committee was sitting at the time.

The following is a selection of quotes from the members of parliament and senate in relation to the Fatherhood Foundations initiatives to progress a ten point plan for consideration of the serious issue of fatherlessness and fatherhood in Australia.

Mark Latham M.P.

“mens’ identity is failing”

'The father and son role is important in raising mans’ identity”

'A mens movement should be filling the gap with the emergence of a policy think tank including lobby advocates, researchers etc'

“even out the imbalance”

Michael Organ M.P.

“parliament is looking for clear direction”

Kerry Bartlett M.P.

“my fear is that the way the family law act is operating it os increasing family breakdown”

Ken Ticehurst M.P.

'the whole Family law is a huge problem”:

“we are working towards improving child access.”

Senator John Hobb

“lack of male role models in society”

'the media fail to play a positive role regarding parenting'

John Forrest M.P.

“we never receive any training for being a parent”

Ross Thompson M.P.

'The Fatherhood group is long overdue. You will have wide support”

'This issue shall be on every members agenda”

Richard Colbert M.P.

'There is no question about strong support… this is extremely important”

Neil Andrew M.P. Speaker of the House

'every child is entitled to a stable relationship'

Paul Calvert M.P.

'the value of the family can often be obscured in our modern world, but I call on us here today to make a pledge to our sons and our daughters to renew that family love, to strengthen those loving bonds and to switch the focus from our work back to our kids and make communication a two-way street.'

Ross Cameron M.P.

“I know intuitively that there are no greater subjects than Fathering in Australia”

“Research is showing a large number of men rising saying that they are not having children ….we will end not with a bang but a whimper looking for the last child”

Chris Miles (ex Senator)

'the rundown in society is partly due to the failure of men to be the source of inspiration to their families'.

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Thoughts for the Week

Champions are not those who never fail; they are those who never quit.

You are only qualified to lead to the degree you are willing to serve.

Edwin Cole

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News & Info

Fathering Forum, 10th February, 2003, Parliament House

This was the seen of a great breakthrough in the Fatherhood Foundation meetings held last Monday in Parliament House. Seated in the room were no less than 15 politicians of four different persuasions, but all agreeing on the issues related to fatherhood and fatherlessness in Australia.

The meeting was Chaired by the President of the Senate, Mr Paul Calvert (standing). What an awesome time - the response reinforced the great leadup work done by Warwick Marsh and the precision organisation of Richard Yiap.

We will release the transcript of the meeting onto the fatherhood website as resource material shortly and more material in the newsletter in the coming weeks.

The next step in progressing the issues raised by over 32 delegates to the full day forum will be in August 2003 when a two forum and workshop of around 300 delegates will be held at Parliament House. The Honourable members are expecting a proposal to be placed before them suggesting how fathering issues in Australia can be addressed.

____________________________________________________________

Word seemed to get around quickly that something to do with Fatherhood was happening at Parliament house. Ron Hellyer and Brendan Sullivan were interviewed by Dads on the Air (2GLF Sydney), a combination radio program and website. Have a look at the story and tune into the radio interviews for more information. This is an interesting and informative organisation strongly supporting the fathering and men's movements.

http://www.dadsontheair.com/archives.php?page=showcomments&id=75

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Fatherhood Forum Press Release           10-2-03

Fatherhood today in Australia is in crisis and the pain is plainly evident across our community. Whether caused by divorce and broken families, or by deliberate single parenting, more and more children grow up without fathers. Indeed, 85 per cent of single parent families are fatherless families. Father absence has been shown to be a major disadvantage to the well being of children.

The Fatherhood Foundation has brought together 32 delegates representing 25 organisations such as non-profit charities working for fathers, church groups, fathering counseling services, men’s support and rights groups, psychologists, former Members of Parliament, family law reform groups, lobby groups etc to share experiences, discuss significant issues and form the basis of a stepping stone for national change to address “fatherlessness”.

As a group, we believe in the following initiatives :

1.          Fathering & families need to be encouraged and supported positively. One idea to support this goal is to run a Family week and a “Fathering, Be In It” national campaign. The end objective is to benefit our children who are our future.

2.       The tragic problem of mens’ suicide is now greater than the national road toll. It requires immediate and concerted focus and action.

3.          Current legislation such as the Family Law Act are not helping the situation of fatherlessness improve. Such legislation needs critical review and appropriate amendment to benefit families.

4.       The area of public awareness, education and training programs and support services to help fathers and families is needed.

5.          Exploring future need for an organization eg Australian Fatherhood Institute as a national body to co-ordinate an extensive national program to empower, educate, inspire and engage everyone in helping Aussie dads become better dads.

Where to from here is a National Fathering Conference with workshops over 2 days in August in order to work out the detail on proposals and initiatives that can be tabled. These proposals and initiatives will outline a long term national strategy and approach involving all organizations in partnership with government and business.

The future of our nation and children depends on this success.

Richard Yiap          Forum Organiser          0407-779930

Warwick Marsh  Forum Convenor          0418-225212

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Dad's Prayer

Lord, help me be honest.

Honest enough to admit my weakness

in front of my wife and children.

I don’t want them to know my weaknesses,

Even though they probably do,

But help me to tell them anyway.

Take away the pride and

Fill my heart with love.

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Mission Statement & Help Us

Mission Statement
The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and   empowering families.

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving. That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about, developing close relationships with your loved ones.

The Fatherhood Foundation would like to develop long term friendships with those who give. We gratefully accept one off gifts and sponsorships. Our preference though, is for regular giving partnerships. Your gift will help us change our world for the better, one father at a time.

Give on line at www.fathersonline.org - a secure site.

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